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Weathering Winter and my mid 40’s
I haven’t written in this blog in a while. Not since it was winter, and new closures were hitting our municipality, and I was anxious and stressing over the coming winter under stricter regulations. But now we’re halfway through spring, the state of alarm in Spain is ending on Sunday, the cases are way down, vaccinations are going up, and life is getting back to some semblance of normal. And I turned 45 yesterday. I didn’t do much to celebrate, because at some point the birthdays start coming so fast that you just don’t seem to have the time to mark them in any big way. In the evening, H…
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Big Projects, Big Freakouts
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The Anxiety Toolkit: Jason Mraz and road trips
I’ve been struggling with a lot of anxiety the past week or so. I think it was triggered by the assault on the capitol, and then was amplified by the exponential rise in cases, which were clearly pointing to new lockdowns. I don’t actually mind the lockdowns that much once they’ve been announced. I work remotely, my child is pretty easy most of the time, and we have tons of outdoor space. Lockdowns aren’t a big thing for us. But it’s just the stress of watching the numbers go up, and wondering what’s going to happen. Same thing with the inauguration. I am feeling a lot of stress wondering what…
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The unbearable heaviness of stuff…
About once a year I have a breakdown around the amount of crap I have. Now let me be clear – compared to most people my age, I barely own anything. At least, I don’t own it here with me where I live. There’s an attic with Christmas decorations and some kitchen accoutrements stored in our house in California, and some boxes of diaries and old papers in my parents’ basement, and a closet at my in-laws, but that’s not here with me in Spain. I live a pretty minimalist life here, which comes from being an expat, especially when you’re not sure how long you’re going to be staying…
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Adventures in #momfails
H made a little list of all the things she wanted to do during Christmas break. One of those things was to go to Antequerra, to the El Torcal mountains. In October we hiked to the top of the mountain range, and she wanted to try to do that again. She also had an idea that we would hang out at the top of the mountain watching videos. We told her that part likely wouldn’t happen, given how cold and windy it would be, but we could definitely go hiking in the mountains. So yesterday we get ready and drive to Antequerra, about an hour away. We are driving up…
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I was made for Frolicking
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Chapters, ritual, and change
I read an article in the Atlantic recently about the importance of “chapter breaks” in life, and how we collectively missed that as a society in 2020. And while the article was specifically about the year of lost rituals during the pandemic, the idea of chapter breaks got me thinking about midlife crises. While not by design, we had a kiddo later in life, which gave us plenty of time to have adventures. Now that we have H, I can see how, for now at least, life is about her. It’s about her school, her activities, her goals. And while I haven’t lost myself, and we’re still pursuing our own…
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Soul, the price of life, and Lamborghini Moments
We watched Soul the other day – the new Pixar movie that tackles some of the toughest questions of life cloaked in the comfy blanket of being a family film. A middle aged jazz musician is at a crossroads, choosing between pursuing his passion, and “selling out” to be a high school band teacher when suddenly he dies, is on his new journey to the Great Beyond, isn’t ready to give up yet, and winds up inspiring a to-be-born soul to embrace life herself. It was filled with great music, and was a visual delight, but the thing that really got to me was a line I can’t remember, but…
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O Magnum Mysterium
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Child-caused music funks and frozen Andalucia
I’ve been in a random music funk the past few months because my child has completely destroyed my Spotify algorithm. Every time I log on I’m bombarded with JoJo Siwa and music from the Descendants (which is surprisingly good, it has to be said). And this wouldn’t be a problem except I use Spotify to discover new music, and that has gone all haywire now. I finally got around to signing her up for a Spotify Kids account linked to mine (not an easy task because we live abroad, and because with a family plan you all have to be in the same household, when I try to do it…
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O Magnum Mysterium
One of the most divine pieces of music I know is the O Magnum Mysterium by Morten Lauridsen (I love it so much, it even played a starring role in my first novel). Before I say anything, take a listen: The O Magnum Mysterium texts is one of the oldest in the liturgy, making up part of the Christmas Matins, and telling the story of how Jesus was born in the manger surrounded by the lowly animals, and the Virgin Mary who trusted in God enough to step into an unknown journey. Now look, whatever you think about the literal capital-T Truth of the Bible (and I already talked the…
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Soul, the price of life, and Lamborghini Moments
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Guillaume le Gentil, and when your goals just don’t work out…
This week is the height of the Geminid meteor shower, which is one of the highlights of the night sky this month, the other being the appearance of the Christmas Star for the first time in 800 years. Sadly, I’m striking out with the Geminids myself because it’s raining this week. And this reminds me of a book I read several years ago about the 18th century quest to track the Venus Transit. Every 240 years or so, Venus transits the sun, which means that it will cross over between the earth and the sun. And this event happens in a pair 8 years apart. Back in the 18th century,…
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Writing about Weight – #45by45
So I stepped on the scale this morning. And my friends, it wasn’t pretty. About two years ago I put on some winter weight, of about 15 pounds, and it never came off, and now it has an additional five pounds on top of it. This, on top of the 60-ish I should lose. I’ve written a lot about weight on other blogs, but I figure that since this is becoming my new home on the internet, I’ll bring that conversation over here. Because it is the biggest mountain that I need to climb. I have always struggled with my weight. I was an athlete when I was younger (competitive…
