Adventures in #momfails

H made a little list of all the things she wanted to do during Christmas break. One of those things was to go to Antequerra, to the El Torcal mountains. In October we hiked to the top of the mountain range, and she wanted to try to do that again. She also had an idea that we would hang out at the top of the mountain watching videos. We told her that part likely wouldn’t happen, given how cold and windy it would be, but we could definitely go hiking in the mountains.

So yesterday we get ready and drive to Antequerra, about an hour away. We are driving up to the parking area in the El Torcal park, and there’s ice hanging off the trees, and gathering on the rocks. It’s a gorgeous winter wonderland. Even some snow in little piles on the north sides of the hills. We gazed out, watching the temperature drop on the dashboard, and talking about how cold it would be.

When we parked, and started to get ourselves out of the car, we realized that we hadn’t brought H’s winter coat.

Because, #parentfail.

Fortunately she had left a furry jacket in the car the last time we were out, and hubby left an extra windbreaker in the trunk, so those two things combined to save the trip, but for about a minute, until we figured it out, we were completely cursing ourselves and our neglect.

I thought about all the #momfails I’d done over the past year of quarantine, and wanted to make a list of them here. To remember them by.

Since March, and homeschooling/quarantining, I have:

• finished her homework for her at least once, just to get it done
• gone to bed without reading several times
• Forgot she hadn’t taken a bath in a week
• Forgotten her face mask when we went out – more than once
• Taken her to karate and forgot a pony tail holder – again, more than once
• Taken her to school on a chilly morning and forgot her jacket – three times since September
• Let her sleep in and miss school once because I was tired and wanted to sleep myself
• Sent her to school with hair so knotty it looked like a birds nest, because she refused to sit still and let me brush it, and I didn’t have the energy to fight
• Cleaned up her room for her, multiple times, because I just wanted it clean
• Let her eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast
• Let Netflix babysit her while I took a bubblebath

One thing being a parent has taught me is humility. Because before parenthood, I totally would have judged the shit out of at least half the things I do. But the one thing I have learned is that if you’re loving your kid, and they know they are loved, and they are safe, especially during a pandemic, really, that’s a pretty great start. If you read daily, you get a ton of bonus points.

And so I’m giving myself more grace than I would have a couple of years ago, when I was still in Perfect Mode. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to be “mostly right” these days. There’s a pandemic. The world is a mess. A solid “okay” is pretty good right now.

There will be a time when things like clean rooms and regular baths will matter a lot more. I’ve found that putting more stress on myself only makes me resentful and stressed out, meaning that no one is happy or cared for. Right now, “safe, happy, and read to daily” are the three goals. If I can continue to manage those daily, it’s been a good day, and the forgotten coat doesn’t matter so much.